Wednesday, June 30, 2010

To Be or Not To Be, The Skunk Replies

To be or not to be– that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And, by opposing, end them.  William Shakespeare

I'm going all English Lit rogue on you tonight.  I keep thinking about this, to be or not to be.  Sometimes I lose track which one I'm doing or which one I should be doing or which one I feel like doing.

I keep asking myself all the time, am I living this right?

These rough days melt together like cheese in a fondue pot.  After awhile, no matter what you dip in, it all starts tasting the same and you just don't feel like eating any more cheese.  You just want the stuff you're dipping to stand alone and taste what it tastes like, not everything covered in cheese.

Cancer cheese.  I'm dripping in it.

I'm not making a damn bit of sense here, except to myself.

How do you do what you must do, this hard hard work ahead of me, and yet, live a life with moments free of it?  I am still figuring that one out, and I don't think doing a good job of it.

When you have these waves of nausea and exhaustion that keep you close to home and close to your bed, your life is lived in these places, and your pillow becomes your mate and your secret keeper.

They say this next round of chemo I'll be starting is way easier.  I hope so.  I'm getting sick of this.  I really am.

Don't forget how lucky you are to be out there doing your thing.  Sure you get tired and stressed and frustrated and sad and fed up, but you are out there.  If you are not finding more joy in each day, it's because you aren't choosing to find it or make it.  You really do have all kinds of choices, every single day.  When you're sick, your choices are limited, and let me tell you for the millionth, it gets old.

I am sick of fondue.

Oh no, are you kidding me????????  One of the dogs just got skunked out in the backyard.

Not even chemo gives you a pass on that one.

Skunk stink won't wait till you feel better.

You gotta wash that dog cause she stinks, but mostly cause you can't stand her cryin.

Barf.

I mean Bark.

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