Friday, July 9, 2010

Defying Gravity with A Little Help From My Friends

So I packed myself some snacks.  A turkey sandwich.  Some almonds. and these killer treats from Costco, they are Dark Chocolate covered Acai and Blueberries.  Oh Baby.  I did not take my Tink blankie or my Tink tote that Batman gave me.  I am going through a phase.  I cannot look at them.  I am still having certain trigger aversions to things during my AC chemo.  It's freaky people.  I know it will pass, but damn, it's amazing how your brain processes trauma.

I packed myself some snacks and a couple magazines, which I have yet to read in chemo.

Can I just give a shout out to my awesome angels that take care of me?  I never read the magazines I bring cause my room is full with nursing angels coming to give the love to me.  All my girls at the Cancer Center.  They sure are good to me.  Wow.  How would I ever do this without them?  It really takes the sting out of not having Mother Love, it really does.  Thank you Thank you Ladies.

Funny as hell, Vonda was telling me something the other day and she pauses and says "Don't put this in your blog, ok?"

LMAO.

Sure baby, sure!

I will put this in my blog though, I love you too Vonda.  You are like a present every time I see you.  What are you so sad about baby?  Tell me and I won't put it in my blog...

I need to talk about this, these people in my life, wait a minute, these WOMEN in my life, that give the love to me.  Ok now I'm not saying the boys don't give the love, but this Sister love I am getting is what's keeping me afloat here.

These women that love me.  Sometimes they love so hard and so much I think, what the hell did I ever do to deserve this coming to me, what the hell did I ever do?  It humbles me, it makes me cry, it's amazing.  I love you girlfriends:

Midge, you are like the sister daughter mother I never had and heal some very very ancient things in me.  I adore you, despite the fact I am one hundred years older than you.

MFT, my wise girlfriend therapist who will not hesitate to kick my stubbon donkey ass for my own good no matter how hard I am kickin, but is always there with kisses to my forehead for all those owies of mine.

Fairy Goddess, my dear friend, we did not lose each other honey, for every thing there is a season, we are coming around again, you feel it?  We could never lose what we have.

Anne of Green Gables, my Irish angel and giver of sweet pea bouquets, your love and kindness for me makes me cry girl,

Golden Wings, my shopping partner in crime and keeper of my blond locks, you are a spiritual guide and keep my hair lookin fine!  My hair!! wah wah wah.

Yulie, you r one funny loving girl who has this magical ability to send me a message right when I need one bad, how could you know?

MeShell, my Boston Girl, I miss you, love your texts, I feel you there.

The G Girl, honey I'll be coming soon for that facial, I just didn't want to throw up on you! Thank you for all the G love and kisses.

and of course, Baby Bear, or should I say Baby Girl?  You are Batman's baby girl, but you are my baby bear.  I love you girl, and nothing would make me happier than to see you out there with Batman!!!!  Did I mention to you folks that Baby Bear is a fabulous color guard rifle throwing diva?????  Do it girl.  Just do it!

and how bout all the other women in my life, who lift me up every time I am in their presence or get a message from them -

My angels at the cancer center and my fabby Dr.

All of you who follow my blog and send the love to me.

My Safeway Lady, you know who you are B, how great when I see you!!  You still reading lady?  How's that hair coming in?  You looked adorable when I saw you.

The Ladies at the lab who take my blood ever so gently.

Hey Kissin Cousin, hi girl, sure was great to see you and hug you and your family, it's been way too long.  I love you too.

Emily's mama, my scrap booking mentor, thank you for your CONSTANT presence here and for spreading the word about my blog.

Damselfly, I know you are there, thank you for reading and when you check in.

Miss Kim, hello girl, love your letters, when you want to come out, come over I mean, Ha!

Mama Dez, thank you for the lovely email, thank you thank you and for all your hard loving work for those drumline boys.

OMG I feel like I've won an OSCAR and forget to mention someone really important to me.  Damn.  If I did, chemo brain.  I know I've been talkin about the girls, but can I just mention my Duncle Dody on the girls list cause you love me like the girls do?  Dearie, I Love you, thank you for loving me and cheering for me the way you do.

OMG, I almost forgot Ginny Mae and Diva Diane, thank you for all the love and concern and prayers and my new hats!

So I met the big hairy Paclitaxel today, dang Kitty, I asked if we could cut back on the benedryl.  You get other stuff in your IV before the chemo, somethin that wires you up and something that makes you want to sleep among the Poppies.  I was there a couple hours, they were really busy but I didn't mind, I liked seeing all my girls.  My first time going to chemo on my own.  I did it and drove myself too!

When I got home I was so wired up and so so tired.  I don't know how you can be both of those at the same time, but I was.  I laid down for three hours or so, but it took almost eight for the wired feeling to start settling down.  I almost took a lorazepam, but I didn't, I wanted to know how long it would last and how bad it would be.  It is late now, gotta get my ass going cause it's almost midnight, but except for the hot flashes now, I am feeling much better, much calmer and so damn grateful to have the AC over.

Damn, can I just say how hard that was?  Whoa.  But I did it, didn't I?  I did it.

I know you always believed I could, but there were a few times there I swear, I almost ran away to Brazil or Positano.  Almost.

My cute stubborn donkey ass is settling down and surrendering more and more and more to this path, with all these angels around me, taking things out of my pack when it gets too heavy for me.

Onward.

Lighter.

Come what may.

Show me that you love me, show me that you walk with me.  Hopefully just above me, heaven's watching over me. Show me, John Legend.

2 comments:

masonmft said...

I am so glad you have a forhead. What if I had to kiss your donkey ass after I kicked it...gross. I was at my dreamy dream group when you texted. Our door is open and I will make time. Can one really make time. At what temperature do I bake it. Love You

kim said...

Emily's mama is here and still scrapbooking. When you are up to it we should get together to do some scrapping. I am way behind. And I do spread the word about your blog. Everyone I talk to that reads it says what a great writer you are. Keep writing, keep sharing, and keep loving us, becasuse we all keep reading and loving you.

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