Friday, July 2, 2010

A little Meltdown and Hit the Road Jack!

So I had a little meltdown today.  Kind of threw me for a loop.  I wasn't expecting it.  I was packing my suitcase which is usually a very happy occupation for me, and I suddenly felt so anxious and started bawling.  I must have looked pretty goofy, picking clothes and layering them in the suitcase and cryin like I was being deported. 

Just yesterday I was thinking about these last 3 months since my diagnosis, and so relieved to have my first chemo course done.  8 weeks of it, behind me.  A big accomplishment.  You have no idea.

I guess I'm worn out that's all.  I'm tired and very low energy and that gets to you.  I was folding some laundry today, just one load out of the dryer, and you'd have thought I ran a marathon.  I tried to play piano and sing one of my songs and I got so winded, I couldn't even get through it.  I need to ease back into exercising and going to the pool, and I'm hoping with the worst of the nausea behind me, I'll be able to do that.

I read an article about a study done on women who complete chemo for breast cancer, and how it aged their bodies ten years if they did not exercise.  I better get my ass out there, as soon as I can pick it up off the floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Can you do jazzercise to that?

So tomorrow we are traveling to see Batman perform in So. Cal.  I have to admit, I'm pretty anxious about the trip, excited about it but nervous too.  I can't wait to see my boy, ok I know, he's nineteen and as he says "I'm a grown ass man mama" but I still miss him terribly when he's gone.  I guess it's good practice for when he's really gone and moves away from home.  We had some other Blue Devil drummers staying here before they left on tour, and even the dogs are still looking for all those boys to walk in the door at night.  We all miss the boys.

The trip though, it's overwhelming when you've been so close to home and your bed for weeks and weeks, you get a little nervous about going out into the world.  You just aren't your regular self on chemo.  No how.  No way.

I know the change of scene will do me good, as well as seeing family and friends for the first time since my diagnosis.  Will do me a world of good.

Wish me luck.  I've got my magic bag of tricks with me and it sure was strange to pack a bunch of scarves and no hair products.

I will be bringing my little net book with me, so hopefully I can plug into somebody's wi-fi somewhere and still write everyday.

Thanks for listening and all your support and loving comments.  It means a lot.  A whole lot.

See you on the flip side.  Wave if you're on I-5 tomorrow.

OMGoodness, almost forgot to mention my appt. with The Good Witch today.  She looked even fabbier than usual, all glowy from her vacation and in this lovely silk green blouse.  She looked just grand.  She had to tease me a little about my good PET scan let's take a break from chemo rant.  She cracks me up and made me laugh at myself.  I know.  I know.  What in hell was I thinking?  She said Flopsy looked great, really great, very soft and she was pleased.  Me too.  Flopsy is looking and feeling more and more like her old self.

I just don't have the heart to tell her with all her good good work, what's ahead.

I just don't have the heart to tell her.

Night.

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