Monday, July 26, 2010

Reality Bites. Where's My Martini?

Husband nudged Robin and I out of the house today.  I've had the zometa flu for two days and Robin is just a homebody.  I really was not up to it.  I did not want to go out into the world after two days of no sleep, followed by two days of medicinal flu.  I put my clothes on.  and a wig.

We saw Toy Story 3.  Aw, there's the old gang!  Very good, just like Eli said.  I would like to protest though that they offed Bo Peep for Barbie.

Can you believe how long the previews are before a movie now, and all the commercials?

Anyway, we were watching the movie, I was thoroughly enjoying it, and then it occurred to me.  This is the first time in my life I've worn a wig to a movie.  I am wearing a wig watching a movie because I'm bald.

It's weird I tell you.  It's weird.

You would think three months in I'd have absorbed this by now.  It seeps in slowly, slowly, slowly, then startles you like the pop of a gun.

You ever been close when a gun goes off when there isn't supposed to be one there?  I have once.

Had just walked in to my local grocery store, the same one I'd been shopping in for years.  I paused to look at all the beautiful luscious strawberries displayed up front.  The produce section of my store is right near a branch office of a bank.  Just as I picked up a pint of strawberries, I heard a loud unfamiliar pop.  I glanced over at the florist counter thinking one of the mylar balloons had hit a light or something and exploded.  Then I realized the sound came from behind me.

I turned and saw a man with a gun holding up the bank.  He was in a hoody not more than 15 feet away, now facing my direction.  Then everything went into super slow mo, just like they say it does.

I froze and I could hear my own breath as if snorkeling.  Strawberries still in hand.  Do I turn from him?  Do I stand still?  Do I put the strawberries down?  Am I going to die today?

It's amazing how fast your brain can calculate.  There was a split second where I made an extremely difficult decision, to turn my back to him and slowly walk away.  I thought about crawling but I didn't want to be one of those people shot crawling away.  You know, that awful scene in the movie where somebody gets it at close range?  Bang.  I can't ever look.

I turned, waiting for another pop.

I started to walk.  Keep going, I told myself.  Still no pop.

I walked through the produce section, and it was surreal.  Here I was in this familiar place, everything as it had always been.  Look, there's the lemons and the apples and the grapefruits.  The avocado's and the tomatoes and the garlic.  Yup, there's the russets and the sweet potatoes and this is eerie.  Here I am in this place I've been hundreds of times, and everything is as it seems, except for the fact that a man with a gun has just shot a bank teller and my back is to him now.

This is how it is sometimes.

Everything is as it was, right?  Here's my house and my room and my bed.  My night stand still has my books and a candle, rocks, crystals and a purple blown glass heart arranged like a little shrine.

There is Campbell's tomato soup in the pantry in the kitchen, dog biscuits in a cookie jar on the butcher block island, and hummus in the fridge.

Everything is as it always was, right?  It all looks just as it was.

Everything except me.

I was bald with a wig on in a movie today.

I'm doing chemo.

I'm not working.

I've been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Holy crap.

I can't believe this is happening.

I keep thinking about that scene in Pirates of the Caribbean when Captain Barbossa says "You'd best start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner.  You're in one!"

She screams.

This is how it is sometimes.

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