Saturday, July 31, 2010

The Sacred Ordinary

Listen to Sarah Morgann sing "When You Believe."

In this time of fear
when prayer so often proves in vain,
Hope seems like the summer birds
too swiftly flown away.

Yet now I'm standing here
my heart so full I can't explain,
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say.

There can be miracles when you believe
though Hope is frail, it's hard to kill.
Who knows what miracles you can achieve.
When you believe, somehow you will.
You will when you believe


The smell of sugar cookies baking.

When you ask your eldest son "Are you proud of your mama, turning lemons into lemonade" and he says "Mama, you turn shit into gold."

When you text your youngest son "I love you" while he's at a sleep over and he texts back "love you more."

Having an overdue heart to heart with someone you love, and though most of it is not what you wanted to hear, at least now, you know where you stand.

Helping plan a Napa Valley wedding with what is sure to be the most beautiful bride ever.

Two eagerly awaited twin girls, scheduled to be delivered by C-section on my Mom's b-day next Monday.

Two great handwritten cards received in the mail.  Like biting into something so so good it makes me giddy.

A dog who always has to give my port a kiss.

Even though you are wired from chemo meds, still awake at 5:30 a.m., you get to see the sun rise.

A text message from your favorite Kiss It Nurse, saying I make her day!  Girl, you make my day!

Loving something enough to let it go and being brave enough to finally do it. 

Bill Withers song "Lovely Day."

Discovering an alter ego in a red wig.

Stool softeners.

A new candle that smells like the beach.

Having a fellow cancer club member send you an email to tell you how much your blog made her feel better and laugh really hard.

Dry mouth mouthwash when you have a really really dry mouth.

Cheddar grits.

Going from no hair to three new looks.  The long one that looks most like my hair except I'm a brunette!  The perky, trendy Jennifer Aniston. The red Valerie Bertinelli as a spy.  Hair is good.

A cool bubble bath by candlelight when you are flushing and flashing.

When you are suffering from insomnia, and a late night text message arrives that says "love you deb deb."

When your chemo nurse sticks your port then says "You still with me girl?" and squeezes your hand.

Playing a song you wrote on the piano, and it says exactly what you wanted to say.

Living without nausea.

Despite your fear, you want to keep Mopsy.  Losing Flopsy is enough.

Pink beaded Candy's flip flops that make you look a little taller.

Taking a summer to read "Gone with the Wind" cause you don't want it to end.

4 weekly courses of Taxol under my belt.  8 more weeks to go till chemo graduation, then take this fricking meteor of a port outta my chest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Watching the doves drink and bathe in the backyard fountain, and their presence brings grace down from the sky and makes you feel as if everything is going to be ok.

Seeing how far you've come since your diagnosis, and feeling really proud of yourself.  Really proud.

This is my sacred ordinary.

This is my sacred life.

Somehow I will.

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