Saturday, November 20, 2010

Little Bird

Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.  Matthew 10:31

I was thinking about this today, as I looked out the french doors into the yard.  It was a rainy day, cold and the wind was blowing, and no boys in the house.  I saw a little flock of birds take shelter in the drooping branches of the large cedar just above our lawn.  It made me think about the verse when God says don't be afraid, if I take care of these little birds, then surely I will take care of you.

I wanted to find the verse and did, and while looking found this one too.

Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Matthew 6:8

Um, Father, It's me, little bird.  Some days it's really hard to reconcile this breast cancer thing with your promises to me.

If you knew what I needed before I needed it, why didn't you just kill the cancer that started in my body?

Couldn't you have pulled some strings for me so it could have been detected when it was smaller?  I never thought I would envy anybody that had to have a lumpectomy, but I do now.  Wouldn't it have been just as easy to let me be a Stage I instead of a Stage III?

If there was a lesson or a plan for me, was this the only way I could learn it?  Couldn't we have chosen something different, like, I don't know, easier?  Like in The Christmas Carol, I could have had a dream and woke the next morning with an epiphany.

If you value me more than the little sparrows, how could you let me walk into this Valley and keep me here so long?

I watched the little birds huddled together in the cold and the rain.

Father?

Were you so busy taking care of the starving in Africa, or the people in Haiti after the earthquake, or the miner's in Chile, that you forgot about me?

What about me?

Why do bad things happen?

There are so many mysteries to this life and hard hard tests of faith.  When bad things happen, is it destiny or fate?  When good things happen, is it luck?  How do I know the difference between Your favor and luck?  When bad things happen, are You angry at me?  Am I on a time out?

Should I assign any meaning to this Lord?

Hello?

Can you hear me now?  Can you hear me now?

The little birds suddenly left the shelter and safety of the tree, and flew out into the bad weather again.  I wondered where would they go.  Had God whispered a better place and they followed?

I started a fire, the dogs gathered around as I crumpled newspaper and stacked logs.  It wasn't long before the dry wood crackled and spat glowing embers.

Maybe I'm not quiet enough I thought, as I patted the head of a shaggy little pound poodle.  Does God talk to me?

Is he dragging this out and taking me to the limits of my patience and courage cause I'm not listening?

The fire popped really loud, startling the dogs and me.

I had to laugh.

I hope that wasn't a Yes.












3 comments:

Wagonwife Designs said...

Boy do I get this blog. I have said maybe "Lord could you just burn the message into my lawn so I could read it?" We all have those dark days when you wonder. I am saying prayers for you (and for all that go through this valley).
You have my heart.

Jill said...

I've asked the same questions. Wish I had the answers... The only thing I know for sure, is that in looking back, I can see that our Heavenly Father was there with me every miserable step of the way. And I know He's there with you too.

rochambeau said...

I think of you often and send you light.

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