Friday, December 31, 2010

The Year of Living Dangerously Glorious, 2010


Have your being outside this body of birth and death,
and all your problems will be solved.
They exist because you believe yourself
born to die.
Undeceive yourself and be free.
You are not a person.    Sri Nisargatatta Majaraj

You learn somethin this year?  I did.
It was the worst year of my life.
It was the best year of my life.


I learned a lot, textbooks full, classrooms full, about life and myself and Love.  I learned about getting sick, and thinking well, and things are not always as they seem.  I have an angel statue and it says "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet."  I get that now.  A lamp.  A lantern shining where I am, right here, right now.  Can't see the past, let it go.  Can't see into the future, stop worrying about it.  Just a lamp.  Keep your focus Here so that you can walk the walk you talk.  Leave the rest to Me.  Ok God.


I learned all kinds of stuff about having cancer, and treating cancer, and surviving cancer treatment.  I learned you could be rich or famous or smart or beautiful, but if you don't have your health, you ain't got nuthin.  I learned you could be rich or famous or smart or beautiful, but if you can't poop, you ain't got nuthin.

I learned the importance of friendship, and that every girl needs lots of Sisters to blossom and thrive and survive in this world.

I learned its not so much what happens to us, its our reply.

I learned without hair and eyelashes and brows, and without boobs after a journey to The Kingdom of Lost Breasts, I'm still me, and beautiful.  I learned it is much easier to travel through this Valley with other women who have been there before.  I learned I can help others who will come after me. 

Mostly though, I learned about Love.

I learned that Love is a healing salve, it does not sting or burn, and is not hard to swallow.  Love does not need to prove its presence, or reassure its existence.

"Love is" as surely as when God says "I am."  Love is always present.  You don't have to look for it or worry about where it is, or when its coming.  Love is faithful and abiding, like a candle in the window or at your bedside while you sleep.  Love seeks to make whole, and does not wound or slay.  Love never harms in the expression of itself.

Love speaks, it does not go silent when its voice is needed most.  Love does not hide or stay away, it does not withhold.

Love can be humbling, but it does not humiliate.

Love waits.
Love seeks.
Love speaks.
Love is.

It is simple and easy to recognize, and does not require fortune telling or reading of stars, magical potions or spells.

Love is as recognizable as a rock or a tree.

You would not pick up a rock and say "I wonder if this is an apple.  It looks like a rock, and behaves like a rock, and feels like a rock, but I really really hope and wish it's an apple.  Wait, wait, if I hold it just so, in this dim light, on this day, while standing on my head, on the moon, why, look, look, maybe this is an apple!  Maybe it is!"

I suppose it is possible that you could convince yourself that the rock in your hand is an apple, if you'd never seen or tasted an apple before.  Once you have, have an apple in your hand, smooth and shiny in your palm, smelling so fragrant, and tasting so sweet as you crunch and juice drips down your chin, there can never again be any mistaking a rock for an apple.

Go on, keep biting rocks if you want to, standing on your head, on the moon, but when love presents itself to you, you will instinctively drop the rock, get yourself right side up and sit yourself down, and get very very quiet, so Love can light on you, like a butterfly.  Even if your head is bald, and especially then.

Love is.

Let everything else fall away.

Put down the rocks baby.

Bite the apple.

Bite.

This is your life and the beauty and mystery of Love.  No matter what is happening, no matter when Bad comes knocking at your door, or a storm takes off the roof, or a fire burns everything you held true to the ground.  No matter what, Love is, and can be every single moment of your life, every single moment you have a breath to breathe.

You want more love?  Be more loving.

You want to get love?  Give love.

Bite.

Love.

and stop your whinin.

You got all that Writergirldreams?

It's ok if you didn't, cause every day of the rest of your life there will be review, and another chance for you to learn and get it right, if you didn't get it the first 2,010 times.

That's what I learned this year.

How bout u?



2 comments:

masonmft said...

That is the lesson we humans learn over and over again. Darned if I haven't chipped a tooth here and there biting a rock. Love you.

Jill said...

Yes, I soaked in every wonderful word of this beautiful post. Thanks for remembering my dad. I especially miss him over the holidays. He taught me much about love.

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