Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Burning Girl

After my radiation treatment today, they started prepping me for the boosts I'll receive next week.  I had no idea it would require a completely different setup on the table and that a special "accessory" would be put on the machine to administer the boost.  As I lay on the table, it was a complete surprise when they turned the table like a lazy-susan, shifting me perpendicular to how I normally lay.  Then the table was angled down, so my feet were higher than my head.

Oh goody.  They are going to make those last five treatments next week a real treat.  Just for me.  I'm lucky that way.

I was surprised again when the lights were turned out to check the setup against where Dr. Lotus had marked the boost to be administered.  After about ten or fifteen minutes of them trying to find my best position on Frankenstein's table, I thought "aw jeez, here we go again."

It wasn't so bad.  I do notice a big difference in my patience and anxiety level when I have to do things for my treatment that are out of the routine, and have not been explained to me ahead of time.  I guess I'm so close to finishing, and after all these months, I freak a little when I have to do ONE MORE THING.

It was nice when they turned the lights out, the room seemed softer and mellow.  There is a light box above the radiation  table, with an enlarged photo of tree branches and a sunny blue sky.  It looked pretty with all the other lights out, and gave the room a soft glow, so to speak.

"Why don't you give treatments with the lights out?" I asked.  It's not like they need to see.  Once they get you in position and program the machine with a computer, it's on auto pilot.

"You like it with the lights out?"  they asked.

"Yes, it's much more peaceful, and the room does not look so harsh under all the fluorescent lights."

They maneuvered me and the machinery around, making small adjustments trying to find the sweet spot, but weren't satisfied with the simulation.   "We'll try again tomorrow" they said, after my regular treatment.

I am so done.  I am so ready to be done.  I can't wait to be set loose from cancer camp.  I just wanna go home.  My upper chest above Flopsy is stinging tonight, and she is hot to the touch, like after a sunburn.  I'll put on more Miaderm cream.

For fun tonight, I put my wigs on.  It was weird.  I remembered when they were so important to me, and I wore one every single day.  I haven't worn any of them for a couple of months.  I'm so used to myself with my short cropped "do" I thought I looked ridiculous in all that hair.

It covered me all up.

You can't see me.

I took the wigs off.

There you are.

Hello baby.

2 comments:

starfish said...

So glad you're done the regular rounds of rads!!!! (Wow, you had an iv in your neck? Ouch)

Anyway, here's to living life to the fullest in 2011!

writergirldreams said...

Hello Starfish, fellow blogger and friend, yes Girl, here's to living life in 2011, and loving the life we live. Here's to you. Keep up your great work in The Pink Kitchen! hugs, wgd

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