Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Exploding Bladder and Transvaginal Railroad

Another first for me today, a pelvic ultrasound.  My gynecologist scheduled this procedure to establish a baseline of what my girly parts look like since in rare cases, the drug I am taking to block estrogen, can cause uterine and ovarian cancer.  An ultrasound uses sound waves to produce pictures of internal organs, in this case, my bladder, ovaries, uterus, cervix and fallopian tubes.  Hello ladies!

In preparation for the procedure, which requires a full bladder, I had to drink 32 oz. of water about an hour prior.  I was so anxious about that.  I have always been one of those girls that pees little bits frequently.  I am a tinkler.  I was so worried about how I'd hold that much for so long.  Kinda funny isn't it?  With all the intrusive and painful procedures I've been through as part of cancer treatment, this one really had me nervous!  I planned my morning around getting ready, eating breakfast and all the little pees before the guzzle and hold that thought.

The drinking was fine, I am always sipping water or iced green tea throughout the day.  The not peeing wasn't so bad until about fifteen minutes prior.  I was in the waiting room, reading the paper, texting and trying to ignore my bladder nudging me to make a pit stop.  Finally my name was called.

The ultrasound technician was sure she knew me, this happens to me a lot.  I have one of those faces.  She had me lay on the exam table and shimmy my purple velour sweats and panties down to my hips.  She gooped up the wand and pressing firmly, moved it over my skin underneath my belly button.

As I lay there, the pressure of the ultrasound wand on a full bladder conjured memories of my last tummy ultrasounds, when pregnant with each of my boys.  I remembered when they searched for a baby's heartbeat, and the relief and joy when they found it.  I remembered going back later in the pregnancy for the ultrasound that revealed the color blue was on the way.

"Ok, only about three more minutes, let me take a few more pictures, and then you'll be able to use the restroom and we'll do part two of the procedure."

"Part two?"  It's the part two you always have to worry about.

"We need to take a few more pictures, transvaginally."

Transvaginally?

I would have loved to hear Mae West's take on that one.

Honey, I've traveled First Class transatlantic and transcontinental, but... 

The technician stepped out of the room while I undressed from the waist down, and hopped back on the exam bed, this time with a large foam pillow to rest and lift my booty onto.  I covered myself with the sheet she gave me.

I was thinking.  Is there any part of my body now that has not been completely scrutinized?

When she returned, she told me she was putting some lubricating jelly on the wand, and apologized that it was cold.

Ice cold, she should have said, like a foot long popsicle.  She waved that wand around in me using all kinds of angles, and I got nervous when I saw a puzzled look on her face.

Aw shit, now what?

"Anyone ever tell you you have a tipped uterus?"

Pardon me madam?

"It's difficult for me to get good pictures here because your uterus is..."

Now I have a tipped uterus too?  What da hell.

She tried to explain to me what that meant, but all I wanted to know is was it anything I needed to worry about.  Nope, she said.  It took her about twenty minutes to wave her wand around to get what she needed.  Not soon enough for me.

I looked it up when I got home.  Usually the uterus is in a straight vertical position.  A tipped uterus is tilted towards the back of the pelvis.  Happens for all kinds of reasons.  Can cause some problems during pregnancy.  Don't have to worry about that.  Can commonly cause painful menstruation or intercourse, in which case it can be surgically lifted to the correct position.

Today I got tipsy on the transvaginal railroad.

How 'bout you?

Click here for a WebMD illustration of what a pelvic ultrasound looks at.

3 comments:

pinkkitchen said...

Well, I guess that's just one more (weird) thing we have in common. I, too, am tipped :)

Life is crazy, isn't it! Every time you think you've been through the most bizarre thing, stay tuned...there is always more.
Sending a hug your way.
~Starfish

Mimi said...

Yep, I'm tipped and I've been on the TV railroad. I swear they were trying to see my eyeballs from down there!

Hugs & love,
Mimi

writergirldreams said...

Thank you one and all for the comments, emails, and phone calls that you are "tipped" too! I had no idea how common this is! That's crazy.

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