Saturday, April 30, 2011

Stepford Wife, Anybody Seen the Old Me?

My brain sure loves being back on the job.  I feel lit up when I'm there, and happy to meet and greet and take care of all my guests.  Sometimes for several minutes throughout the evening, I almost forget I'm just returning to work after a long absence due to cancer treatment.

It doesn't take long to be reminded.  My foot starts aching terribly around hour 4, and my left arm and chest wall on that side gets very tight midway through my shift.  I've struggled to get a good grip and leverage when opening some bottles of wine, something I used to be able to do with incredible ease and with eyes closed.  I notice my bra gets tighter too, so I must be having some chest swelling as well.

Tonight one of my tables was discussing a friend of theirs who recently completed breast cancer treatment, and is now taking Tamoxifen.  As I poured wine, it felt strange overhearing the conversation.  They will never know that their server tonight is a recent survivor, this short hair is my brand new hair after no hair, and these boobs?  Fake.

It is strange and surreal returning to my familiar, in a body that is so unfamiliar.  I'm still getting used to it, this altered me.

My friend Irish BC Warrior, a Sister ahead of me on the path, sent an email my way, wishing me well and just checking in on me.  She said "I am amazed at the strength of the women who wait for reconstruction . . . like you."

Honey, I didn't do this by choice, this was one of those twists and turns of cancer treatment that absolutely devastated me at the time.  Gosh did I grieve not being able to wake up with my new boobies.  I'm already getting tired of strapping these girls on, and sometimes I get really itchy in there, but I sure like looking down and seeing something there.  It just feels better.

One great thing about working - you sure do appreciate your days off!  I've got the next two  off, and I feel like a kid, home from school for the weekend!  Yippee!

When I meet with the Good Witch week after next, I'm definitely going to talk to her about starting on a neuropathy drug like Neurontin.  My Duncle Dody has been on it with great success for his neuropathy, which was far worse than mine.  I've been hesitant about trying it, just because I didn't want to add another drug to the mix while still letting my body adjust after chemo, and I've been concerned about side effects, and/or interaction with Tamoxifen.  I will talk to her about it.

I know I need to do something.  It is extremely difficult to have a lame foot in a job where it feels like I run a marathon every shift.

I've been thinking up all kinds of ideas for my presentation at the Survivor's Day Celebration. I'm going to use props and I want it to be more like a one woman show than a speech.  I want it to be wicked funny, with an emphasis on wicked.  Um, does anybody know, can you get in trouble for mutilating a Barbie doll?

If any of y'all Sisters or devoted blog followers are interested in attending, you need to pre-register for the free event by calling The American Cancer Society at their office in Fairfield.  The phone number is 707-425-5006, option #3.

It's a national celebration, and here's a link about it.  The local event that I will be speaking at will be held at the Fairfield Center for Creative Arts, on Sunday, June 5th, from 2 to 5 p.m.

Gosh, it's so strange to think, I am in the home stretch of writing this blog for one year.  Mother's Day is the day.  Not sure what I will be doing with or about the blog after that.  I really don't know.

Stay tuned.

1 comment:

Mimi said...

I love that you are able to be back to work.

Hugs & love,
Mimi

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