Sunday, May 29, 2011

I'm a Sucker for Fainting Robins

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.  Emily Dickinson

You ever watch Star Trek: The Next Generation, and know the character Deanna Troi?  She is half human, half Betazoid, an alien species with telepathic abilities.  She is an empath, sensing deep emotions and feeling the vibrations of other creatures.  On some of her story lines, she is taken over by aliens and used to communicate with Starfleet command.

I am an empath.  I'm not telepathic but I do get a deep sense of what people feel and think and need.  I've always been like this, since childhood, and being made this way is both the proverbial blessing and curse.

It becomes very easy to take on the energy of others, and I can see now most of my life I've been an emotional sponge.  I do not consider myself a people pleaser, but I do feel a great sense, almost duty, of wanting to help, heal or bring balance.  I know people feel very comfortable with me, telling me their stories and their secrets, their confessions and deepest needs.

I know I see people, and hear them, and I know they know that.  That part is the gift.

The problem is keeping things light for myself.   Can I find a way to be a healer and a teacher, without being taken hostage to all that I feel, some of which I don't even own?

Sometimes I think about my breast cancer as a metaphor for all that I held so tight to my heart, and that pain and suffering made a home for itself, and made me sick.

Can I find a way to move through the world, listening and loving and healing, without sacrificing or martyring myself?

I don't even know where to start, I just know I need to.  I need to find a way to use my gifts, but preserve and protect them like a natural resource.

I don't know if any of this is making sense to you tonight, but me thinks I have stumbled on something here.

I need to find a way to deeply connect and serve
without draining the source,
me.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Sweet Lady ~
"Amen." You are such a beauty in this world. I know you will go on to spread your wisdom, laughter, and love the way God intended you to. I love watching you blossom. Go Sweet Lady ... Go, Go, Go! Hugs and Kisses xoxox

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