Thursday, December 29, 2011

Down the Rabbit Hole

I tumbled in.
Petticoat after pinafore after golden locks.
I tumbled in.

I am stuck in here now.
Down the rabbit hole.

I can't find my way out.
Do I nibble the mushroom?
Do I devour the mushroom?
Which is it?
Which way is out?

I am waiting again.
In limbo.
The clock ticks,
the hours pass,
I am nowhere.
Stuck in here.

I lost count of
what day it is,
no sense of
how many days
I've been stuck in here,
away from you.

Are you looking for me?
Can you hear me calling
from down here?

Everything turned upside down again.
A tea party on the ceiling.
Only six days away from moving on,
only six days away from rebuilding a body scarred and altered
by cancer.
Everything turned upside down again.

I wait.
Not for my planned date with a wizard with a scalpel,
and my grand return
as some new variation of me.
Once again,
life had other plans for me.
I've stood him up.

I wait.
For an MRI to confirm or rule out
some nasty problem in my neck,
that has me popping pain meds like mints,
in my bed,
not happy
or dreaming.

I tumbled into this hole,
and down down I go,
farther
and
farther
away
from home,

and you.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Damn, damn, damn!! Thinking of you.
Joanne

Anonymous said...

I think of you and pray for you EVERY day, Deb. Please, please, please, let me be there for you if I (we) can do anything. Wanna go out to lunch? Want us to come up for a visit while you lay around in bed? Want to chat on the phone? Just let us know. Jerry and my hearts are breaking for you.
Marcia

Anonymous said...

How are you WriterGirl? Need you! Praying-Praying!

Much Care & Concern, Faith&Hope

Anonymous said...

Hope you are doing well!! Miss you!
Praying for a "glitchless" surgery and recovery!

Cheri

Michelle said...

Missing you Writer Girl and praying all is well. You were such a source of strength, encouragement and HOPE for me during my 2011 "visit" to Cancer Camp. My 3-month check-up was yesterday and, although tired, I'm doing great. Let me/us support YOU if needed. Praying for you and sending you wishes for good health, happiness and PEACE.

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