Wednesday, July 31, 2013

I DON'T LOOK LIKE WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH

This song I heard in church a few weeks ago sure resonates with me.

Lord I don't look like what I've been through.

Remember this?




That was me in the chemo chair, after five months of the good stuff to save my life.  Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what you've brought me through.

This is me three years later, walking with my son and other Vallejo Relayers at the Vallejo 4th of July parade.


Lord I don't look like what I've been through, all glory to You.

My family has been through some hard times and heartbreaking losses these last three years since my diagnosis.  We lost three beloved family members, first my Uncle Jody,


Uncle Jody and me

then Virginia, our Grandma, and my other Mama.




Then just a couple months ago, our Hallie dog.




We were devastated by Cara's girl's leukemia diagnosis just two years after my diagnosis.



We've done our best to manage under my crushing medical debt, and months and months of lost wages when I was recovering from cancer treatment and my reconstruction.

Despite the twists and turns of this life, that every family faces,

many gifts arrived after my cancer diagnosis.

A return to faith.

A return to gratitude.

And 'rithmetic Baby.

It's all about how you do the math.  What are you going to count?  All the tragedies, disappoints, heartaches, losses and suffering?

Or will you begin each day with gratitude for all the gifts and angels delivered to you, right when you thought you could do no more?

I had a rush of gratitude this morning while on my walk by the waterfront close to home.




The Holy Spirit flooded my body and I wept with all I have to be absolutely grateful for.

Walking and crying.

Walking and praying.

Walking and praising.

I may not be where I'd like to be,

but thank you Jesus I'm not where I was.

Thank you Lord for all the times you pulled me out from under, You Lord, my Lifeguard that walks on water.


Thank you for all you've brought us through, keeping our family intact, and moving in our family and in my marriage.

I cling to you Lord.

Cover me.

When others look at me, let them see You, and all the ordinary and extraordinary things that You can do.

Amen.









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