Monday, July 19, 2010

Where's My Hollandaise?

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.” Mark Twain


God damned cancer.

My day spent in anger was not satisfying at all.  It was like eggs Benedict with no hollandaise, that's a fucking egg McMuffin.

And I had no china rose bowl to hurl and smash into the fireplace, with Rhett Butler as my witness.

"Sir," she said, "you are no gentleman!"

"An apt observation," he answered airily.  "And, you, Miss, are no lady."

The angry lady has never worked for me.  I gave it a shot.  Nothing satisfying came from my being angry.

Anger will sometimes be my State of the Union, hopefully as an observation and not in its clenches.  You'd be a fool when you are dealing with something like this, not to get angry and sometimes you have to let it fly.

and then

you let it pass

cause it's no way to live.

I don't know how I'm going to handle all this shit still coming my way.

I don't know how I'm going to handle it.

I just know

I will.

Cause that's how I roll.

I've always been a cheerful person.  I've always been an optimist.  Laughing and being joyful comes easy to me.

This has thrown me for a loop.  I don't even know where to start with this shit.  I've been doing my best looking for joy and "the silver lining" despite it, but I'm sorry, cancer is not getting a pass from me.

Cancer fucking sucks.

So there you have it.

Now what?

Now you cry and you get pissed and you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and you keep going because there is not a damn thing you can do when in your heart you still believe,

life is good

and I am blessed.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

There will be a lot more swearing involved though, you can bet your bottom dollar on it.

I have Mark Twain's permission and I have cancer, and cancer fucking sucks.

1 comment:

kim said...

OMG! I almost don't know what to say. Nobody deserves this and everyone has a right to get mad. I know I talk about Relay For Life alot, and I am again. It is my biggest link to cancer. It is the biggest fundraiser that ACS has to raise funds to find a cure to cancer. I have a bracelet that says "Relay Rocks - Cancer Sucks". That is how all of us at Relay feel. The reason Relay is a 24 hour event is because cancer does not sleep, so neither do we. We put one foot in front of the other and keep walking, fighting back, and hopeing for a cure. That is a big theme for us. HOPE and CURE. Check out the website if you get a chance. Know that we are fighting for you and that we love you.

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