You Should See My Fingernails

It's weird.  I guess since the plant closure of my hair factory, all those cellular workers have been relocated to the center where fingernails grow.  Wow.  You should see them.  It's crazy.  I mean they aren't Guinness World Record like some woman in India whose nails curl like a ram's horn, but they are long and strong.

That's my big news for the day.

Got close to taking a nausea med a couple times today but breathed through it and it passed!  Just tired.  Mostly tired. and burpy.  I get burpy a lot.

But my nails look nice.

Got my shot today.  Hello Vonda.  It's ok.  Settle down.  Vonda couldn't give me my shot today, they were so busy.  I survived girl.  I will see you in the morning.  One more shot, and my every other week with The Good Witch.  I suppose we'll talk about the next phase.

In case you need reminding, at the end of next week, I will start my new chemo regimen.  12 weeks of weekly Taxol.  No more shots.  Easier side effects. Not thrilled though about having my port stabbed weekly.  Oh geez.  I can't think about it.  Makes me sick.

It's weird, these little aversions you get.  Like the red color of that chemo drug.  The sight of fruit punch makes me queasy now.

It's funny, the things you learn.  I don't recommend you take with you to chemo the things you are really attached to.  You begin associating your chemo with them and just looking at them, gets you all creeped out.  I didn't know this. Nobody told me, and now I don't know what to do, cause one of the things I took is my Tinkerbell blanket and I think I'm going to have to burn it when I'm done.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken Husband to chemo with me either.  :)

I recommend you take with you things that comfort you that you specifically bought for chemo because I will bet you, after you're done, you won't want anything to do with them.  Bring things you are not attached to or are disposable.

Even certain songs I played quite a bit when I didn't feel good, I can't listen to them now.  They used to bring great comfort to me.  Now they are attached to this chemo thing and if they come on during the shuffle on my little nano, I get a shiver and the hair, I mean the goosebumps on my neck stand up.

Speaking of hair, can somebody tell me why you don't lose the damn hair on your legs?  That's just wrong.

Anyway, I may be having a big bonfire in September when I'm all done, so if you hear about some huge fire in California, it's just me, having my Burning Girl.  You think I'm kidding don't you.  I have one of those copper fire kettles on the backyard patio.  I'm going to light it up.  You'll see.

I don't remember (chemo brain) if I've mentioned a website I found out about called Network of Strength.  It has these really great message boards where you can chat with other newbies, current patients, survivors.  It's really great.

You need your cancer peeps.  No matter how supportive your family and friends, nobody gets this like somebody who's been there done that.

I read some of the things people are going through and I feel like such a wimp.  What in the hell am I all whiny about?  Some people have had it really really rough and just when they need a break, it slaps them down again.

I'm thinking about you tonight Bobbiejayne.  I posted a message to you.  I think you are sleeping now cause you're on the East Coast, but I am thinking about you while you sleep, and I hope you'll see my message in the morning.  Hugs girl.

There is nothing noble or glamorous or profound about this cancer deal.

It sucks.  It makes you want to curse like Richard Pryor.  You won't believe how I have to edit my language cause I am rattling off mo fo this and mo fo that in my head all the time now.

What can you do?

I told Bobbiejayne it's ok to get angry or discouraged or scared or feel sorry for yourself.  You have to grieve this thing and work your way through it, sometimes crawling.  You have to keep seeking joy and peace and contentment, and feel grateful when in fleeting moments you find them.  Sometimes you have to look really really hard,

and set the bar

really
really
low.

What else can you do?

You should see my fingernails.