Thursday, September 23, 2010

Last Chemo Eve

September 24, 2010.

I remember after receiving my diagnosis, that first meeting with the Good Witch to plan my treatment.  I about fell off the exam lounge when she said "five months of chemo."

Did she just say five months?

I had no idea that people receive chemo for that long.

I sat there as she stood and went to the calendar hanging on the wall of the exam room.  She counted off each round, the first two months, May and June.  4 rounds of AC every two weeks.

Then she continued counting the weeks on the calendar, one, two, three... pointing to each Friday.  12 weeks of Taxol.  I watched as she flipped the calendar pages for July, August and September.  My last round of chemo would be given September 24, 2010, barring any complications.

How would I ever get through five months of chemotherapy?  How?  I am still asking myself now that it's almost done.  How in hell did I do it?

Now here I am, the evening before my last dose of Taxol.  Went to get my labs today, ah, the old scavenger hunt for a bleeding vein, digging digging digging, nope, let's try again, digging digging digging.  Hit blood on the second poke.  It does not rush, she has to wiggle and move the needle around and I feel the cold sweat before she fills a couple tubes.

I thought I would be happier tonight.

I am quiet and solemn and allowing myself to feel this moment.  The hard knocks and sweet blessings of the last five months are clicking through my head like a deck of cards, shuffled then thrown into the air.  The cards and the days and the sleepless nights rain down on me.  All of it scattered now on the eve of the last chemo.

I thought I would be happier tonight.

masonmft said...

One more kiss on your donkey forehead. On Friday one more chemo to kick your donkey a%%. JUST ONE MORE CHEMO!!! I will be thinking about you and sending love to your veins. Plumping them up.

I laughed my ass off at this Mft, hee haw, that's me, stubborn stubborn donkey girl.  You nailed that one and hit it right out of the park.

Plump them up.

Lord hear our prayer.





1 comment:

masonmft said...

Plumping to the nth degree. That almost sounds dirty. Tomorrow.....let there be veins. I wish I could lend you one of mine. XOXOXO

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