Sunday, September 19, 2010

Strike a Match

"I feel as if I've turned a corner."  That was from my post last night, Server Down.  This morning in my email was today's message from Daily Word, which I subscribe to online.

from Daily Word
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I recognize and accept the good that awaits me.
In anticipation of an upcoming change, I may wonder what my life will look like. Will it ever be the same? The truth is that every day is filled with change. Some changes are major turning points and others are small adjustments.

Instead of worrying about what may happen in the moments, days or weeks ahead, I choose to remain calm and confident. I know that good is always present, because God is always present. Attuned to God, I am aware of everlasting good.

I welcome the turning points in my life that bring new opportunities to recognize, accept and experience the good that awaits me.
Every generous act of giving, with every perfect gift, is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.--James 1:17

I recognize and accept the good that awaits me.

I woke this morning feeling better physically and mentally than I have in months and months.  My brain and heart and spirit are finally allowing me to celebrate that I only have one more chemo treatment left.

The weight of the last five months is lifting.

The PICC and the Ports, the ropes that tethered me to cancer and medicinal hope and pain have been severed and I feel free.

For so long, I had no sense of this season of chemo ever ending.  I can see it now.  I will finish.  It will be done.

It is almost over.

My spirit is reclaiming my body.

The lightness is translucent where once there was gravity and weight.

You came here to listen to me, blowing on me as a dandelion, seeds of me float in the wind, carried to far away places where my voice has been heard.

The United States, Canada and the UK, Japan, France, Denmark, Ireland, Poland, Russia, India, Singapore, Spain, Australia and South Africa.  I have readers in all these places.  This is where you carried me.

I recognize and accept the good that awaits me.

Seeds of me float and blow in the wind, carried to far away places where my voice has been heard.

I had been holding on so hard to the old life, I did not realize till now my new life has already started.

I am on the threshold of a new season of letting the old life go to allow the new one its life.  A new life already sprouting from seeds I sowed not realizing the garden I was creating.

I am crossing a threshold, stepping off the plank, on to a fine sailing ship, and for the first time not looking back with grief.  Ready to cast off.

Ready to explore the new world. 

Cancer did not give this to me.

This was a generous act of giving I gave myself, and you, and you back to me, as a reply when cancer said it had me. 

Every new day is a new world when it is greeted with anticipation, joy, gratitude, hopefulness, curiosity and love.

And the belief that despite the weight and gravity,

good is on the way.

Good can be created.

Even when it is so dark, the blackest of black,

strike a match.

The match can light a candle, the candle a lantern, the lantern a beacon, the beacon the world.

Strike a match.  

This sits on my piano, and I lit it for you tonight.
I dreamt of being a writer.

I've been writing my whole life.

Tonight though I realized, this blog is when I struck a match.


1 comment:

Donna M said...

Girlfriend you ARE a writer...that image of blowing on a dandelion proves it once again, and your indomitable will to write every day through this whole experience seals it. In fact, if you "bookitize" this, Blowing on a Dandelion might make a handy title... Noticed the color change--glad you did it and told us why. Thank you.

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