Thursday, October 14, 2010

Bridge Over Troubled Water

I've never been good at the waiting.  I am not good at surprises, or limbo, or purgatory or waiting.  It's not that I am not a patient person.  I would consider myself very patient.

It's just that I am an obsessive thinker, so you can imagine the damage I can do with material like this.

How do you really prepare for the loss of your breasts?

You get as informed as you can, you talk to your doctors, read all kinds of books, search the Internet like a fiend, but the best advice I have received is from my Sisters, who I affectionately call The Sacred Order of the Sisterhood of the Cancerous Breasts.

I put out a call to my Sisters on the message board I am hanging out at more and more every day.  I put out a call  asking them to "Give it to me straight."

My Sisters have circled the wagons, showing up from all over the country and all different stages of their "breast cancer experience" to offer tips and encouragement and love and prayers and "there there now baby."

My Sisters.

I never had a sister.  Always wanted one.  I am the sister of two brothers, and the mother of two sons.

I always wanted a sister.

Now they are coming from all over to embrace me and hold my hand and lift me up, cause they know, like nobody's business, what this is like.

I do my best to explain it to you in this blog, but nobody gets it like they do and I don't have to say a thing.

There are so many layers to this loss.  So many layers.

My Sister CreativeLady summed it up today.

I was so emotional the week before my surgery. I did not understand it. I made the decision and the doctors agreed, even the older surgeon I thought would give me trouble- I thought I had it settled in my mind.I was positive and I was going to handle it. Forget that idea, I was just weepy all that last week. The fear of the unknown and the fact you have to make that kind of decision at all comes crashing down. Anything seemed to set off my tears.I am told it is normal. I hope you will give yourself a break and be good to yourself. I guess we all go through it. Wish I could help more, but hopefully it will help to know you are not alone.

Yes, it does help and I know I will get through this.  I know I will.

It's just that, 

I wish I didn't have to.


Anonymous said...

I wish you didn't have to either, but I'm sending you love, hugs, courage, strength, comfort, joy and peace in my prayers for you today, because today is going to be a good, good day.

Anonymous said...

I wish this was all a bad dream and that you would soon wake up. I wish you weren't going through this either. When I am devastated, the only thing that gets me through it, is knowing that God has a better plan for me. I know you have many, many angels all around you; lifting you up. God Bless and stay strong. xoxox

Beneath the Eaves said...

You will get through my dear friend,
you will get through. We will all stand on the other side. A little worse for wear, not all original parts, but whole again because we have each other.
We are there for you.

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