Monday, November 15, 2010

Tingle Tingle Little Star, How I Wonder When You'll Go Away

This prickly prickly tingling is taking over my body's universe, three weeks out from surgery, and almost two months out from chemo.

There is a 6 inch band of painful prickly tingling in my upper body, with a spectrum that ranges from mild to severe.  Across the front of my chest it is primarily concentrated at the top of where my breasts would have been at their fullest, and across where my cleavage used to be.  It is strange because there is a fair amount of prickly tingling, but less than an inch away, inside and underneath what is left of my breasts, is a very different kind of pain.  That pain is more what I am accustomed to after surgery, having had two C-sections.

The prickly tingle is very intense and exaggerated in my left arm, especially when I try to raise it, as if the "rubber band" inside it gets extremely tight and if I push it, it will snap.

The prickly tingle continues around to my back, concentrated between my shoulder blades.  As it approaches my right shoulder blade, the prickly tingle fades to mild, and is almost negligible in my right arm.  It does not come on the radar again until you come around to the front, just above my right breast.

I don't know how to describe the prickly tingle.  It is painful, uncomfortable and very strange; maybe this is how it feels after getting stung by a jellyfish.

The surgical pain inside my breasts and under them responds fairly well to the painkillers, the prickly pain does not.

I got out of the house today, helping Husband grocery shop, and the neuropathy in my hands and feet flared up.  It was some of the worst its been since starting about four months ago.

I swear, I almost got on one of those little scooters the old people use to zip around the grocery store.  I just couldn't bring myself to do it, just like I didn't fill out the AARP application when it came in the mail right before my fiftieth birthday.  Husband was worried I'd run someone over with the scooter, he was probably right, and I never was a very good parallel parker.  Do they test you on your parallel parking skills on one of those, where you have to slide in between the avocados and the oranges?

After my big day out today, my feet are still talking, and aching like hell.

Sometimes I wonder, how much of this old lady stuff will go away?  What's gonna happen when I start the drugs to completely shut down my hormones, after radiation?

Scary.  Lord, help the boys in this house.

I have a birthday comin.

The good news?

Instead of turning 52, my brain feels like I should be turning 32.

The bad news?

My body feels like I'll be turning 92, and

I got just the boobies for the occasion.


Anonymous said...

This blog is a great service to women who will follow in your footsteps, as too many will. You are part of a sisterhood that will forever hold each other up. Best of wishes as you continue your journey.
Jean Sprengel, MD
Author, ChemoCompanion Care Guide

writergirldreams said...

Dr. Sprengel, you sure made my day when I found your comment here! I hope you saw my post the next night, thanking you and your wonderful book. It is a must have for anyone undergoing chemo. With much gratitude, writergirldreams

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