Friday, December 17, 2010

Objects May Appear Bigger...

There is something I've had to face since losing my hair and my big fat bunnies.

The chubby body that was hiding under all that.

How could I miss it, you ask?

Maybe cause for years, I've focused on the self in the mirror that only consisted of a face and upper body, but mostly a face.  Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, putting on makeup, I had nice teeth, great hair, and a face that looked pretty good for fiddy sumpthin. I realize now how distorted my image of self was.

In these weeks after my surgery, I've become acquainted with the Pooh Bear tummy that previously was hidden under two huge bunnies.

Where did that come from?

Today while changing into my gown for radiation, I turned around and took a look at myself in the full length mirror in the dressing room.

Look at how tiny you are, as in my height.  I always imagine myself way taller than I am.  Then,

Dang Girl, Baby got back!

It's not like I don't know how I got here.  All kinds of reasons.  I am a total foodie.  I love food.  I love restaurants.  I love the Food Network.  I love working in a restaurant.  I love making a meal and watching my family eat it.  I'm part Italian, and my Grandmother was 4'11" and probably 250 pounds.  It's in my genes baby, and in my jeans too.  Ah food.  Pure comfort.  Food is so beautiful.

and I suppose I've done my share of eating my feelings.  I get all that.

What startles me now is how many years I've carried this weight around, and not taken better care of me, settling for this rubenesque me.  You know where that word comes from?  Peter Paul Rubens was a seventeenth century Dutch painter, who had a thing for painting large, voluptuous women.

Click on this link.  You'll see exactly what I'm talking about.   

Notice how she just focuses on the self in the mirror?  Uh huh.  She looks good in the mirror, doesn't she?

I've put the hand mirror down.

I see me now, and as lovable as I am, there is just too much of me to love.

I'm ready to change that.

Diets don't work.  I know that.  I'm just going to keep it simple.

Eat less.  Move more. 

What's my goal?

To have my body in the mirror, the full length mirror, match the one in my head.

Healthy and strong, with upper arms like Michelle Obama.

Our First Lady sure can rock a sleeveless blouse or gown, can't she?

Dang Girl.


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