Thursday, January 27, 2011

The "C" Word to The "F" Word to the "E" Word to the "P"

Maybe the hokey pokey IS what it's all about.

I am making my way through the alphabet after the "C" word.

I developed a deep appreciation of the "F" word after it, especially when you combine the two.  Effing Cancer.

Now in this next phase, I am beginning to understand the importance of the "E" word.


In this couple of weeks since completing treatment, I am learning the distinct difference between surviving and recovery.  I survived my treatments; I am hopeful and confident that the cancer is gone.  I never really understood until now how big the task of recovery FROM TREATMENT.  First, if you're lucky and with a lot of courage, prayers and hard work, you survive the cancer.  The job is not done when the treatment ends.  Now I begin the challenging work to regain the areas of my health that were excellent, but became the collateral damage of treatment.

I couldn't wait to finish those nine long months.  I see now I was missing the subtle hints along the way from The Good Witch and Dr. Lotus that RECOVERY will take as long, or longer, and will be slow and incremental.  I get it now as I discover, the hard way, the balance between pushing, and pushing too hard.  My brain and my body crave the release of a strenuous aerobic walk, and I feel so empowered tramping through my neighborhood and up the hill.  The painful impact on my muscles, healing wounds, and feet is considerable; some nights I can't believe how many different areas of my body hurt.

I am going to switch up my routine for awhile to moderately paced walks on level ground, bypassing the hills.  I've also found my local library a great resource for low impact exercise DVDs, like yoga, and you haven't lived baby until you've done this one:

Fun aside, the monumental challenge ain't over yet, and it's a party crasher when all I want to do is celebrate and resume my life.

It doesn't work like that.  I've got a long way to go.

I remind myself to be grateful for the small wins every day, and thought of the Lao Tzu proverb The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Step.  When what you long to do is run, or even better, fly.

I guess I need to skip ahead to the "P" word.



starfish said...

I still have a hard time exercising as regularly as I'd like. I love yoga. It's very forgiving if you're low on energy, yet very challenging if it's a good day.

Keep trying, but also choose to give yourself permission to rest.

Jill said...

Oh yes, patience... I wrote a whole chapter on patience in my book.

Also wrote a whole chapter on persistence. That's you with your walking -- persistent. But don't forget the other "P" word -- pampering. Make sure you get lots of that too. Big hugs.

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