Monday, January 31, 2011

Safe in the Fold

I had breakfast with Sisters late this morning.  A group of them who met in a "newly diagnosed" class they attended together, and decided to start meeting outside class.

I met one of them in cyberspace on the Y-Me message board, and when I posted recently asking who was in the bay area because I'd like to start a support group, she responded.  She graciously invited me to attend their first breakfast together, and I was thrilled to.

They are in chemo now.  As you know, my treatment is done.

It did me good to sit at a table with them today; they speak my language.

I do my best for you blessed people that have never walked this path, to try and tell you the story of what it is like.  Sometimes I think I come pretty damn close, keeping in mind that the difference between having cancer and empathizing with someone who has cancer is as wide as

the grand canyon.

There was no canyon for me to shout across today.  I could have whispered.

In fact many times I did not speak at all, just nodded my head.  Nodded my head again.  and again.

This morning, I was safe in the fold, my Sisters and I.  I am grateful they included me, a stranger, who has come out the other side of treatment.

I saw in their tired, fearful, fragile faces a place I have been and made it out of.

There there now, I wanted to say.  There there now.

Nobody should ever have to face and deal and go through the shit we have been through.  No bunny.

Effing cancer.

Every now and then I need to say it again, but it's spitting in the wind.  I didn't mean to rhyme that.   Sheesh.

Cancer sucks.  The big one.

I would never ever wish this on anybody else, and yet

I'm glad I'm not alone.


In the fold.

Thank you Tmack for including me.  Thank you.  I saw the tears you held back today.

There there now baby.  There there now.  Live Girl.  That's how you defy all the scary parts.  You hold on as tight as you can and you scream your lungs out and you live.  Live every precious day, and sing as loud as you cry.

Remember what I told you this morning Tmack, what Husband said to me?

There there now.  Live.


Jill said...

Wow, Debbie. You are so amazing. How I longed for someone like you to take my hand as I was going through all the cancer crap. I am so proud of you and what you are doing. It's not easy. I know that. Most women chose to move on with their lives when they get to where you are. But not you. You're making this world a better place. You are making a difference. You are touching lives in amazing ways. You are loved and appreciated -- more than you will ever know.

writergirldreams said...

Since I am loved and appreciated more than I will ever know, maybe you could just keep telling me... Aw shucks. Thank you Sister. wgd

Heather said...

Hi Debbie! I have never had cancer, so I won't say I know "exactly" how you feel...but I do understand on many levels how you feel, I have personallly dealt with those same feelings of trying to explain illness to others and knowing that they don't really get it. I have had a little boy who looks like the healthiest of them all but has been so ill and been in the hospital SO many times! I get what your trying to say - and I just wanted to tell you that!

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