Saturday, February 19, 2011

Menopausal Platinum Effects on Physics

I got my phone repaired.

Batman suggested a cellular phone repair place he had heard of, and they might be able to help me.  I took it there, and the guy fixed it by replacing the digitizer, basically the touch screen, and he backed up all my stuff for me.

I was so so happy about that.  So happy.  Checked back through all my photos and such, all still there.  Like this one from one of my walks.

I have known for years there is a crazy gorilla roaming my neighborhood.  This is my only proof.

Since my diagnosis, I used my phone like a scrapbook.  I felt like I got something back, the comfort of my familiar returned to me.

I hated my new phone.  I hated the newness of it.  The new ring tones.  The new message alerts.  I hated it.  I just wanted my stupid old phone back with all the traces of the old me inside it.

I'm not sure how to describe the phase I am in right now.  I feel like a stranger in my own life.  Like I was kidnapped and have been away from you a long long time.

I've come home now.  Nothing is the same for me.  I guess that's why the phone thing seemed so important.

I guess this is what they talk about when they say you have to find your "new normal" after cancer.

I know there is a great metaphor for the banana in the gutter.  Maybe it doesn't mean anything.

This is part of the work I do now.

Sifting and separating meaning from randomness, and trying not to assign meaning to what was random and vice versa.

When you've had the proverbial rug pulled out from underneath you, it's easy to start interpreting everything as something.

Some things you will never understand.  You just have to let them go.  Shake it off.   Walk away.  Keep moving.

That's where I am now.

Somewhere between my perception of old normal and my perception of new normal.

The reality is there is no difference between the two, just a continuum of the same.
That's physics baby.
Can I find a balance between accepting the impermanence of the universe,
while believing that perception does influence reality?

That's a whole lotta thinking for this former blond bomb now platinum brain.

All a that while I keep an eye out for that gorilla, 

and my invitation to the royal wedding.

I got a crown coming my way, look here if you don't believe me.   Told you I'm a princess.


Gloria said...

Happy for you, that you didn't lose all your photos in the old phone. When my computer crashed the first time, I lost irreplacable photos-that was over 2 years ago and it still haunts me. There's a chunk out of time, that can't be filled in, try to, but the world is slightly off its axis and the loss is a big one.

Thanks for your kind words of advice about procrastinating. It's a hurdle that needs jumping.

greenest mermaid said...

I apologize if this isn't the best place for this...but you won my One World One Heart Giveaway!! You win a t-shirt that we get to design together :)
Please email me ( so that we can talk about your prize :)

Mimi said...

I'm so glad that all of your memories were able to be retreived.

Your post is so thought provoking. I have 2 illnesses that will never go away. They won't kill me, but they divide my life into before & after. Sometimes, well a lot of the time, I just want my before back.

Hugs & love,

rochambeau said...

Oh happy day! A miracle happy ending AND a crown ta~boot~~
I know you will wear it well~~~


Jill said...

Six comments?? You left me SIX most wonderful, beautiful comments? I had tears running down my face by the time I finished reading your soothing, encouraging, uplifting words. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You always know just what I need to hear. And I love how you understand me so well, especially when almost no one else can.

And yes, I added your name to the list too -- yours and mine both! :)

So glad the phone thing worked out for you. You're going to be okay, Debbie. Believe me, you really are.

Susan said...

Writer girl,
Please come see the top few posts on my blog :)

Susan said...

Hello again, thanks for responding to the post, but you'll need to email me your name and mailing info.
Thanks, Susan

susanscraps AT comcast DOT com

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