Friday, February 4, 2011

What They Missed

It's been great fun this week at our global bloggers party, and I've been surprised and enjoyed the influx of visitors to my blog.  Even more I've enjoyed the inspiration found when I explored other bloggers interests, passions and obsessions.

You may or may not know there is a bit of irony that I write a blog, and recently made a Facebook page for it.  I have always been a fairly private person, and I've been quietly anti-Facebook until now.  It seemed rather voyeuristic to me, and like reading gossip magazines, except you know all the people.  I doubted its ability to create, renew or enhance real connection.  If the fizzy vitamin C drink could jokingly be called crack for Christians, I saw Facebook as their acceptable pornography.

Even with my blog, I realize how naive I've been.  Thinking this was something between you and me, talking to you each night, speaking from my heart, and sometimes from my misery, dealing with this cancer thing.  It all seemed so small and somehow intimate to me, and it touched me when you would write that the things I said or shared then changed or shifted something in you, or made you get your mammogram.

I've enjoyed all the new visitors to my blog, very satisfying receiving comments from some who spent time reading some of my posts, and wrote things that were thoughtful, kind and relevant.  There have been just as many visitors who didn't read anything at all, only interested in the give away, as if the point of  One World One Heart is to win prizes.  That cracks me up!  Those visitors leave comments on blogs as if buying a raffle ticket for a cake walk, the more you buy the greater your chances of winning that cake!

All of this made me revisit why I decided to write this blog, and what I hoped the take aways would be for my reader.

It was really simple to me.

I thought there might be the distinct possibility I might die a whole lot sooner than I planned.  What was I going to do about it?

The idea of the blog and then the blog itself became my reply.  My Duncle Dody and I had an email discussion about it awhile ago when he offered feedback and direction regarding my blog and one of my posts.  I later copied my reply to him and have been adding to it, saving it as a draft for a post I'd write "What's this blog about anyway?" 

I have received some great feedback from so many people, I love reading them all. It is also fascinating who makes up my readership. It is fairly evenly divided between a few camps - family and friends who just want to stay updated on what is happening with me, folks who are coming to get educated on breast cancer and the realities of treatment, fellow cancer Sisters who are in the thick of it and either ahead of me in treatment and lighting a path for me, or newbies who I am lighting a path for. There is also a very large camp who don't come for the stuff about cancer. They come for the honesty of a person just trying to live a life and grow and enlighten and connect with a higher power. There is also my "secret fan club," readers who read every day for months and months and then reveal themselves to me.

Everybody has their claim on what they think my blog is about or should be about.


There are those who love the teaching about cancer blogs. There are others who are adamant that my best blogs are the ones where I talk about being a woman or being a mother or my attempts to excavate my deepest self. I love that the range of opinions on this is huge! Predominantly though, my posts that have had the most hits are the ones that are extremely personal, involve personal growth or spirituality and a map to finding the sacred ordinary in your life.

When I first decided to write the blog, it was mostly about dealing with cancer. For me now, this blog ain't about cancer anymore. Cancer is a supporting role.

Anybody can write a blog about the facts regarding treatment, advocacy and survival.

I am writing from the heart and sharing my Debbie story. I am doing it for me, as a way of talking myself through this, mothering myself through this, and the beauty of that transparency is that the observers of this very personal journey all have their own idea about what the best takeaways are. I love that.

The gift I most hope to pass on through my blog is how to find the sacred in the ordinary, seeing things with new eyes in your life, and being present and grateful even while facing life's most difficult challenges. To emphasize the importance and satisfaction of connecting with a higher power, and more deeply connecting with the people you love.   Just as important, disconnecting and freeing yourself from what does not serve all that is loving and empowering in your life.  Embracing your life while breaking emotional chains.

And let me not forget my deepest intention, that this blog be a love letter to my boys, about who I was, and none of it was better or more important or could ever stop me from always and forever being their Mom.

I still think, with all the things I've written on this blog and many I'm proud of, this will always be the best paragraph I ever wrote.  With whatever I have accomplished and however I have failed and whatever is still out there for me, there is no greater thing I will ever do in this life than have, and love, and teach these boys.  No greater thing.

For all those of you, scampering around on a scavenger hunt, this is what you missed, the real take away from this blog called the sacred ordinary, by writergirldreams.

Oh, one more thing I wanted this blog to hit out of the park.  Sure, early detection and awareness is very important regarding breast cancer, but ask any one of us who've had it, and we'll all tell you the same.

Early detection is no substitute for a cure.

We want a cure.


Unknown said...

I am one of the people scampering around on the OWOH hop but, unlike others I do care. I took the time to get to meet you and I am so glad I did! You are such a sweet soul and I hate that you have to deal with what you have been delbt! My mom has cancer and all of my grandparnets died from it.One of my blogging friends, Katie Renz is a very young mother and was just dignosed with stage 4 gastric cancer. She is blogging about her journy too. I would so like the two of you to meet!
Thank you for your writings. You are such an inspiration!
True :D

Gloria said...

Wonderful post. Thank you for generously sharing and baring it all. Well, almost all. G rated.

Jill said...

I could not agree more! Thank you for sharing your amazing Debbie story.

Terry said...

Why do I read your blog? Because one day you walked into the lab with obvious uncertainty written all over your beautiful face. During subsequent visits, you opened up, shared your plight. I was intrigued. First with you, then with the whole issue of breast cancer. "There but for the grace of God, go I." You just never know. Support Breast Cancer research. Yes, a cure is the answer.

Anonymous said...

i have found you through OWOH. i think that you have great courage. one of my dearest friends went through treatment for over a year for her breast cancer.

she is now one year cancer free and we are all keeping our fingers crossed. i remember when a friend of hers brought her a bag of scarves to wear when her hair fell out. i went over for tea and we laughed and laughed as we tried to tie scarves in interesting ways. it was so good to find joy in such a sad situation.

i adore the name of your blog. i, too, try to find the sacred in the ordinary. thank you for reminding me how important that is to do. i am glad to have found you through this blog hop. wishing you all the best in your journey.

Billg said...

Hi Debbie,

I read and rarely write you. Tonight, I say thanks. This was great.

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