Coffee, Tea or These?

It was hard to believe this afternoon I was really getting ready for my return to work. My new white button down oxford shirt and white apron were neatly pressed. My shoes were polished and new black dress socks tucked inside. I suited up. Control top panties? Check. Fake boobs in a bra? Check. Wine key, crumber, server book? Check, check, check.


I walked in tonight and it was as if I never left, everything seemed the same, all except me.

With each new table, and all these wonderful appreciative guests, I swear, it was so hard to keep my mouth shut when they thanked me profusely for my fabulous service. I wanted to say-

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FABULOUS THIS REALLY IS. IT'S MY FIRST NIGHT BACK, AFTER ONE YEAR OF CANCER TREATMENT. SEE THESE? THESE ARE FAKE. GO AHEAD, TOUCH EM IF YOU WANT TO. SEE? THEY FEEL LIKE MEMORY FOAM DON'T THEY? THEY LOOK PRETTY REAL, EH? MY BOOBS ARE ALL SCOOPED OUT, AND TUCKED INSIDE BEHIND THESE, AND TOMORROW IS MY ONE YEAR CANCER-VERSARY...

I didn't do any of that.
None would ever know that they were being waited on by a lady who went through five months of chemo, lost her hair, eyebrows and lashes, and this sassy little haircut is the first of my "chemo hair." None would ever know, when talking to my boobs tonight, as guests often do, they were actually talking into a couple of pillows.

It really hit me tonight,
stepping back into my old life,
Cancer Girl has left the building.