Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Hump Day

Sometimes unexpected Angels appear, and today was like that for me, as if a special delivery arrived with my name on it, and all I had to do is sign for it.  Writergirldreams.

It was a very rough morning for me, still processing what happened, the utter disbelief of it at this point in the game, and some old old stuff was triggered in me.  It was supposed to be a happy day, getting out of Dodge for a trip to So Cal to watch our boy Robin march in a parade at Disneyland!  The band group left early this morning, chartered buses filled with excited kids, many of them making their first trip without Mom and Dad.  We were to follow later today.

I was so anxietal this morning.  So fragile.  So cranky.  So angry.  So needy.  My Husband does not do well when any of these show up in me.  His unanswered needs met mine, his fear met my fear, and we ended up screaming at each other, and considered cancelling the trip, or delaying it.

That's when my Angel arrived.  Our dog sitter called to double check when we were leaving; the phone rang right after my little meltdown.  We were probably on the phone an hour, and she Mommy'd me into the shower, gently coaxed me to put down the sword aimed at Husband, and look at what happened to me on Monday in a whole new way so that I could stop beating myself up about it.

I needed that.  I really did.  I needed a Mommy today.  And a Cheerleader.  And a Nurse.  And a therapist.

She had me laughing when she said my five year old self, and Husband's five year old self were screaming at each other and no adults were present.  She also said you can't buy milk at a hardware store, and you can't hang a picture with a plunger.  You need a hammer.  All of this made perfect sense to me.

We are here now, at our destination, in the fold of dear old friends who love us, and have been fluffing the pillows waiting for our arrival.  We will try to behave now, Husband and I.

This is not easy, this cancer work we do, added to all the work we already do, trying to understand each other when he speaks Mars and I speak Venus.

Thank goodness for Angels, getting me over the hump today.  Thank goodness for Angels.

1 comment:

Beneath the Eaves said...

You have my thoughts and prayers dear one. I am so sorry the load is so heavy. You are strong and will endure, but do we always have to endure with a smile? I think not. Be kind to yourself. I hope you both enjoy the time away.

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