Monday, July 18, 2011

I Made This For You Sister

sometimes I still can't sleep at night.  every now and then.  I lay in this bed in the dark and the quiet, while all the creatures in this house sleep their peaceful sleep.  A Husband. A boy. Three furry angels. Finches.  Babies of finches.  They all dream while I wonder if this is a chemo dream.

Those nights are still so vivid, up till all hours, writing, thinking, crying, grateful, scared, drugged, cancerous, hairless, fearless, alone, awake.

I reach up.
Place my hand on my head tonight.
Just to make sure.

Yes.  There is hair there.
This is no chemo dream.
That was then.
This is now.

I am thinking about you tonight Sister, I am sending this out to wherever you are and whoever you are on this path.  So many of you still in the thick of it, my Sisters.  Not just my breast cancer Sisters, all my Sisters doing their best dealing with all kinds of cancer shit.  Still in the thick of it.  Chemo is no dream for you right now.  Still in the thick of it.

I made somethin for you.  So you might feel better.  So you'll keep going.  I made somethin for you.

That's for you.  See the little picture?  That's me, during my last chemo infusion, five months in.

The big picture?  That's me today.  One year and three months after a cancer diagnosis.  Ten months after finishing chemo.  Nine months after a BLM.  Six months after completing radiation.

I made this for you.  So you might feel better.  So you'll keep going.

there there now Sister.
there there now...


Anonymous said...

This has given me hope. I am 10 days out of my first chemo treatment. It has been hard, immediatly getting sick and about to lose my hair. God please get me through this. MaryEllen.

Anonymous said...

Yes, i have those dreams too, the past few nights i cannot sleep well, just as in those chemo days, wow it was just 21/2 mos ago, now i feel my short crew cut hair, and have to shave my legs!!! Love ya Deb.
Hugs & Prayers, Laurie jean

Mimi said...

Your words are so inspiring. I can see how much you already helped the first commenter. I will be praying for both you & MaryEllen.

Hugs & love,

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Deb. You are such an inspiration. I still have those sleepless nights. And the cumulative effect is beginning to kick my butt, especially on my "big ones" every three weeks. But I only have six infusions to go. Now I'm into the "bring it on, count down mode". Your blog is the porch light and I am the moth. Can't stay away. You draw me to you and you help heal my soul.

writergirldreams said...

Awww Mary Ellen, keep going Hon. It gets better, it gets better, I promise you. Big hug from your Sister writergirl today.

What da hell Laurie Jean, my leg hair never died!!!! Come on, that's wrong. Only have to shave under one arm though, left side was radiated and that killed the hair forever! I asked them if they'd radiate my upper lip and my legs but Dr. said no :)

Hello Mimi, to you and your Mama, thank you for all the good good comments like candy you leave for me.

Yes yes Desertpirate, bring it on and count it down, you are getting there, keep going. You can do it. I'm right here, watching you, and cheering for you.

Much love to all my Sisters fighting the hard hard fight! love love love

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