Tuesday, October 9, 2012

3 am

Ah, the life of a breast cancer princess, after surgery.  She goes to bed with pillows fluffed and ready to sleep on her back, she tucks heart pillows under each wing, and bloody breast drains into the pockets of her white camisole.  Her nightcap is a Vicodin, followed by a stool softener chaser.  And then she dreams, of perky breasts and new lingerie.

"Sleeping Beauty, oh Sleeping Beauty..."

The pain wakes.

"Wake up Bitch, we need our meds."

She stumbles and shuffles to get the pill and the sip, removing the cap of the prescription bottle.  That's ironic, the cap is pink with a pink ribbon on it for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  She cannot escape the pink ribbon.  She sips and waits for the good news to kick in, so she can return to a slumber filled with sugar plums and perky boobies of all shapes and sizes topped with whipped cream and a cherry, thank you Katy Perry.

3 am.

Yes, I remember this.  You and I shared many nights together like this.  Hello Dear Reader.

So the day that took forever to get here finally happened, and Flopsy and Mopsy have made their first real step out of the Kingdom of Lost Breasts, and into the futureworld of life after breast cancer.

Flopsy and Mopsy the Sequel is finally in production.

It was a hell of day and fairly rough start, sick as a dog from anesthesia, with nausea, dizziness and vomiting that rivaled the good ol chemo days.  The Queen of the Glitch rode again when only the antibiotic was received at the pharmacy and not THE PAIN MED prescription.  Never fear, Husband got on his white horse and remedied this for fear of his life.  By night fall things were better, thanks to pretzels, Vicodin, Ativan, a Muffin puppy sharing my bed, a boy who cuddled me after I threw up, and a patient Husband bowing to my every command.

I am still all bandaged and packaged up, won't remove those for a couple of days to get a real look, but have already emptied bloody drains and taken a sneak peek.  It's been almost two years sjnce I took that first hesitant peek of the emptied out Flopsy and Mopsy, and this time I spy a slight fullness.  Where once a very concave top of my chest used to be, I now have a slight glimmer of cleavage where the expanders are.  There was a very large fold at the top of Flopsy, where radiated tissue had tightened and pulled and created a canyon.  Now I see the beginnings of what expanders will do.  That fold is filled.

Yes my Sister Debra, you were right, it feels as if I'm wearing a life vest, under my skin.  Yes Sister, you were right. My own built-in floaties. And many thanks Sister Teresa of the TMackQ, for your lengthy emails giving me the goods on what I might expect in the land of tissue expanders.  And of course the President of my Fan Club, Faith and Hope, thank you Sister for being such a loyal follower.

My Sisters, you are still the starlight in my pocket.

Despite the pain and bloody drains and anticipation of constipation and 3am wake up call,

I see a glimmer of Flopsy and Mopsy leaving behind their pancake status, and returning to stitched fullness.

A glimmer.

That feels good.

What feels even better?

Having that day behind me.

Today will be better.

Ah, the meds are kicking in.

See you on the flip side.

Thank you for praying me and loving me through it.

You schedule your mammogram yet?  It is Breast Cancer Awareness Month you know...

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