Thursday, October 11, 2012

Remind me, why am I doing this?

There is not a whole lot to do when you are recovering from surgery.  It's all about what time is the next pain pill, and balancing the stool softeners and laxatives so you can poop, but not too many cause you don't want to poop like crazy.  

You have a little something to eat, you take a pain pill, you take a little nap, you watch a little TV, you read, you make some tea, you pet a dog, you empty drains and record how much fluid was in each, you take another pain pill, you check Facebook to see what every body else is doing, you take another little nap, you brush your teeth and wash your face, you take a shallow bath cause you can't get the surgery site or drains wet, you try to arrange your sports bra so that you have just enough compression on your chest but not too much cause it hurts so you stuff some soft socks in there to help, you have a little something to eat, you buzz through your email, you check Pinterest, you check Facebook again to see what every body else is doing, and

you just keep repeating all of it again and again like in the movie "Groundhog Day."

When you are recovering there is not much to do but recover.  You can't skip this part.  You have to go through this to get to where you want to be.  It's kinda boring.  It's real boring.  It's kinda lonely too but you don't really feel like talking to anybody, cause you're tired and you might have to poop, unexpectedly.

You miss doing the regular things, the little things that are part of your routine that you take for granted but now you miss,

like driving your car, or going to the grocery store, or going for a swim or a walk or lunch or work.  You miss the little things like getting dressed without it hurting, and not having attachments to your body that need to be monitored and emptied and fussed over.

It occurs to me right about now a little crazy that I am going through all this just so I can have boobs again, boobs that won't ever really look or act like my old boobs.  It does seem a little crazy.

Maybe it's just cause I have too much time on my hands,

and all that poop I'm not pooping is making me delusional.

Your life is lookin pretty good right about now, ain't it?


Anonymous said...

itrdtedHi Debbie,
remember me? Its desertpirate here. I guess I have been so wrapped up in my own survivor status that I haven't stayed in touch much. I am so sorry. I am glad you had the expander surgery. Glad that this flopsy and mopsy sequel is finally started. I am sending you good vibes and strong prayers. And also a dose of courage. Although you remain one of the most courageous people I know. You'll get through it. Through it all. We love you and are so proud to have been connected with you.

Kendra said...

I totally get it. I was there. I was just telling my husband this week that there is a time in the recovery process that is just boring. You feel better, but not well. You have more energy and less fuzziness of the brain, but the energy will desert you and the fuzziness return at any given moment. You feel restless and exhausted simultaneously. It stinks, but, as you say, you have to go through it. Not to sound trite, but hang in will pass, even though it doesn't feel like it. You've been here before. Congratulations!

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