Monday, April 8, 2013

Rolling in the DIEP, Shall We Try Again?

So I'm just over a week out from checking into a five day spa visit in Oz, otherwise known as Stanford University.  I got a date with a wizard there named Dr. Lee, and all his peeps who gonna make me over.

Cut cut here,
Snip snip there,
And a couple of new tata's,
That's how we keep you young and fair
in the merry old land of oz.


Oh Jesus Lord in heaven, Lord I just have to trust that all the times my plans got jinxed and dashed and I was QUEEN OF THE GLITCH, it was because you had something BETTER for me.  Is this it?!?  Tell me this is it.

I need to graduate from cancer camp folks!  Although I'm almost three years out from diagnosis, I still feel like cancer girl every time I look in the mirror, every time I get dressed, every time I look down and feel these hard Nerf like footballs stuffed in my chest!  I will not have made safe passage out of The Kingdom of the Lost Breasts until I can buy a bra!  I haven't worn a regular old bra for 2 1/2 years!!!

So here's a reminder of what we're looking at:

DIEP, or Deep Inferior Epigastric Perforator
It's a good illustration that gives you an idea of what they'll be doing to me.  Mine is a little different though.  My incisions will be directly under each breast.  They'll take the tissue expanders out, and plop the whale blubber that is my muffin top in!  Voila, foobs!  No implants, just my own tissue stuffed in there.

It's a long surgery because it's two in one, tummy tuck and breast reconstruction.  It's a long hospital stay, about five days, so they can closely monitor my tissue graft to make sure it has a good blood supply and lives.  Living foobies!

Oh breast cancer, oh breast cancer, what a party you've thrown for me Baby, aren't you fun?!!

Oh and don't forget, my nipples will get moved around too, so they'll be in the right spot once the reconstruction, reduction and lift is done.  Pray for me nipples that they survive the journey!

Recovery will be about 6 weeks, once I've passed through the initial phase of hit by a train, run over by a bus and pink steam roller, then dragged like a rodeo rider whose foot is caught in the saddle!  Rumor has it I'll be coming home with four to six drains hanging out of my new body, oh joy oh joy.

YOU KNOW I LOVE THOSE DRAINS. Emptying em, stripping em, trying to figure out where to pin em, hanging them up in the shower, gettin in bed with em!

Some party, eh?

Start your praying for me early, that Jesus has his hand on me, giving me courage and strength and humor, and more importantly GUIDES my surgeon and those who will be taking care of me.

I can't look, am I almost there yet?


Stay tuned...


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